I am the DARKNESS, I am the LIGHT, I am CHENGWAY

After the my fucking car involved in an accident, my explanation didn't seems right to everyone... I really don't understand...

My parents said that it was fine that you was still alive. Ei, don't think I'm stupid, I see through your eyes, don't lie.

What? I know, Rm1000 is not a small deal, but did I done anything wrong? I really don't understand.

My father came and drop by a while at night, he told me a lot of things. He is drunk and felt disappointed from the sound I heard. The car is my wife de, so hard to claim from insurance. No matter what happen, you will always be my son, right? I know you are a good son, don't felt sad for it.. It is nothing. Just study hard and that's enough for me.
I don't know what happened to me, I didn't dare to look in his eyes, I just look at the floor... The next thing I know he went home, then and only I got the courage to look at his back, disappearing in darkness again...

I know, the car is used by the BITCH before, but I'm so sorry to tell you that, I will kill her when I met her, no matter where I met her. I always trained myself to use anything that are able to hurt people, even my little pen would able to kill you off... And trust me, the only person that I would only hurt and kill is you, Qing Qing Fong? If I didn't mistaken about your name, your time of pleasure and being a human will end if you met me, I'm your angle of death...

Here, I'm sorry that I lied that I will not hurt or kill her. I know love is a virus, it can happen to anyone and anytime. I know, that's not their fault. But is because of them, I turn into a demon, I grown in hatred.

Law always help people who get hurts and punished people who hurt others. But how about this? I'm mentally hurt and no laws can help me? Beside counseling the victim? Does it enough? My patient is getting fade and fader... I really pray the time will come...

I will always be the elder son of this family, I will hold on the sir name that doesn't belong to me. But I will kill your wife, I'm sorry to tell you that. These years, I acts to cover up my hatred in my eyes, and mum, this is why almost every friends of yours will always said, It seems that your son had let it go, I didn't saw any hatred in his eyes anymore, and he looks more handsome and steady than he used to be.

Stupid humans, does you all heard before Silent lake is the most dangerous place to go? I seek for reasons, reasons to let this go, but after a few years of searching, I'm sorry, I did found any.

And you, Wong Yong Chong? I'll think of letting you go, since you sacrifice for this family so much... But her? I'm sorry, this problem will only settle when one of us die... I know where you two lives, I know where she work, where her parents live..

P/S: Sorry for disappointed anyone, but this is how lives go on... It doesn't matter that I'm a demon now, it doesn't matter that I will punished by laws, it doesn't matter I've been sent to hell... It doesn't matters anything, anywhere, anytime... Reason?

Ooi Zhao Qian, does this ring a bell in your head? A seven years old girl writing her name.... With legs if you're asking... Born without arms, how unluckily she is?

Look at me, I didn't look weird in physical appearance, yet, I still complain about pain... As a 18years old teenagers, I really lose to a 7years old kid..

I lose to her because of one thing, that soul she has in her weak body. In a small body, there is a very strong soul that struggling out of her. This force, is the one that keep her alive, and it is changing her fate as well...

But me? I had turn my soul with the darkness, but what I get so far? Nothing but anger and pain... Today I suddenly felt a huge pain in my shoulder when I was in DK, lucky enough that I would able to hold on... See? I'm strong in mentally, but I'm weak in my soul... Haiz~

Life can be dignified, and it can also be petty and low. It will be different on how we treat our live as...

To try your best to create happiness and try your best to reduce the suffering on you. Looking at her, I saw the meaning of life means...

Ya, my car had accident. I didn't saw any reasons to be sorrow or to blame others, I saw a meaning of friendship in my very own life. I'm glad, I'm satisfy... Thanks to ahSiong who turn out when I need him, haha.. XD

P/S: I know revenge is nothing good but evil, but honestly, revenge is the only thing can set my soul free...

Labels: but before I die, I want you die first..., I'm not scared of death

Humans always had the power to choose, this is what I always believe.. And honestly, I'm confident for every decision i made... But this time... I'm totally confused...

Is it correct to choose to study A-levels?
Is it correct to let her go away?
Is it correct to choose hatred than forgiveness?

I really don't know, I'm confused~ I thought I were right when I make those decisions... But now, I really don't know... A part of me want to do this, and another part of me want to do the other way around....

I can gladly tell everyone that I had a huge problem. I'm stuck in my both personalities and I'm losing who I really am..
I loss control twice, and I scared I will lose control for the third time...

Those images keep coming fast through my mind when I close my eye. I heard a lot of noises, urging, praising when I close my ear and let my mind to had a peace...

Brother, you there? I really need help... I'm tired, I'm done with all of this... This world had too many laws that restrict me from doing a lot of things... Is not fair!!! IS NOT FAIR!!!

Why this would happen to me? I'm tired of choosing, I'm tired to being the only one... I want to share, but there is no one... I'm alone in dark, while no real angle that can help me...

All the quotes I read, all the stories I read, all the news I read, start to flashback in my mind over and over again... I'm dizzy... I really scared I would unleash the demon in me again, I scared I will lose control again...

P/S: I'm really scared, I'm really scared...

2010 Jan1, Human always get excited due to their weird quote, New year, new challenge, new life

Does it? Does stepping in a new year will cause your life changed? Does it add some courage into you so that you're able to accept new challenge? Some humans may just had their spirit overgrown after they had some heavy alcohol I think...

Life is still Life, you see, it will only changed, if and only if, you're ready to change yourself. With your old attitude and yet, you step in new year, but hey, are you able to change your life? Are you? =.=

After last night of 2009 in KL tower, friends start to noticed the changes in me. They said that I had become more mature that I used to be. Ya, I wonder how a year can change a human easily? But honestly, I didn't changed at all. It just I'm good in acting, you guys didn't noticed. You guys always thought of Chengway is just another gangster, or a comedian..

I really wonder when I had become matured? Hmm~ let me think... 10years old? I start to look in darkness, felt darkness, stay in darkness... I always learn the way to play with fire, of course, I always get hurt... It seems that learning is always a main purpose in a human life? =)

I really amazed that humans are able to learnt after they met some failure in their life, the more they faced, the more they learnt. Is really cool actually, really cool...

Since 2010, I think I should have some wishes too although I didn't enjoy it right? ^.^
I hope, My wishes will come true... easy as a pie leh? =P

P/S: Another year had passed, Another boring year had gone. Another new year had come, Another year to spent alone in dark.

How if...
Your friends left you behind?

How if...
You start to have new enemies?

How if...
You and your BF/GF broke up?

How if...
Death had come to pay you a visit?

I wonder how people gonna reacts when they face those situation? Start cursing around? Start crying and Emo-ing the whole day? Or start to get panic and don't know what to do?

I don't afraid of being alone, so normal friends doesn't bother me a lot. True friends I have? It seems to be a little less compared to normal teenagers... I already used to be alone... But for sure, sometimes I'm bored with it... When I mean bored, is really fucking bored! =|
I always keep a distance between friends. The only reason? When you start to get close with someone, you will not used to loneliness. Ah~ Am I right?

I always believe that friends is better than lovers... Friends, you can talk anything you want, do everything you want to do... No fuck at all, doesn't worried about the action that you've done... How good was that? XD
For some people, they might want to try to love, Experienced is always better than nothing.. But for me? Some things should stay where they should. I know, I love you, doesn't means that I should own you.

Death... 14 people get killed in a bus accident? Is just like Final-Destination... How cool was that? Mostly death comes with a creepy way but sometimes, it comes in a peaceful way... I wonder what kind of death will come and visit me? Haha, I'm quite excited... Do I really prepared for its coming? Do I really can forget and let go of everything in this puny world? I always want to be famous or well-known in this world... In my little theory, there are only two ways to be famous in this world... One, You be the very good guy. Two, You be the very bad guy.

So I wonder what am I know? Good guy? Bad guy? Or just nothing...

P/S: It's not what you take but what you leave behind that defines greatness. -Edward Gardner

Christmas eve that day, Went sunway. Steamboat + jaychow's movie + CC = Bored + Tired + Full.

I wonder how different would the celebration if with her?

Now I only know what it means,

Saw you but I Can't talk to you.
Heard you but can't Hug you.

But sometimes, I barely saw you due to the Weather. I love you for quite a time, I wonder when i got the time to love again? CAn you Wait?

But I think the ending would be just a BYEBYE...

2009 almost end,
HOliday gonna end.
Bored gonna come,
Fun will gone.
2010 coming,
Alevel examination coming.

Then when is the day that I would be with you again?

How a world could change a people? I don't dare to know, I don't dare to think about it... I'm still the one you know, I'm still the bad guy you called...

Heart remains in a small box, waiting you to come and retrieve...
Time is ticking, Hope god will come across us, bring Miracle..

P/S: Dark returns, As Light leaves... I Wonder when Light returns?

This movie... Some of you may familiar, some of you may not. Yes, this is a horror movie. Is about a guy, killing people with quiz. If his preys are failed to solve it, there is trap will finish them of. You may now thinking, wa chengway so mean and cruel, watch this kinda movie... Sorry, I'm not. I'm scared of his killing style, but one thing I had to totally agree with him.

His name is JOhn, in the movie. He once had a happy life with his wife. But one day, a burglar had caused his wife lose her pregnancy. Plus, he found out he get cancer. He felt that
humans doesn't care and appreciate their life, so he start to make traps and make them passed through. LET THEM KNOW HOW IMPORTANT IS LIFE IS.

Some lucky escape, but some, show selfishness through out the game, and they die tragically.

Yes, is horror, sometimes i scared also. Those humans are captured by him, is those who always selfish to themselves, hurt others, or want to die. Like, criminals,
business men or women, or even suiciders.

Lets come back to real world, does there are law to protect weak people? Does law protect people that are really need help? I don't know and I doesn't wish to know at all. People like lawyers, they always tried to find a hole in law, changing something that is wrong into right. We always noticed in movies or even real life, the bad guys always get away and the good guys always die in tragic.

A law, A nation, A world, can it be better? Terrorism, criminals, can it be punished in better way? Think yourself, if a 14yrs old girl really get raped by the 4 boys, does it fair if they just send to therapy due to
their age? Does it fair to the girl?

If you don't believe? Think again... A kid under 18, had killed people, what that country or what law says? That kid, will just send to other country to start up a new life, or, send to therapy... Do you think that works?

DON'T TELL ME IT IS A MISTAKE!!! OR AN ACCIDENT!!! Some of it, yes, is really accident. But, some? I don't think so... A teenager can bring a gun and start to have a LEFT4DEAD or whatever shooting game in school or college?

What is this world been through now? People start to get of the moral values that had been passed down from ancestors? People start to make their own rules no matter how many people they hurt? TELL ME!

You're right, I'm evil. I want to help to make this world better... But how? Becoming a lawyer? A politician? FUCKED UP, I"M BORED WITH THIS PUNY JOBS...

P/S: This is my view about justice. No matter how evil is that person, he/she shouldn't hurt other peoples... No way....